May I present the divine Mistress Dometria
From runaway to ruling the night, Mistress Dometria, Brightons hardcore temptress, takes us on a trip down memory lane and offers us an insight into the mind of a reverend and adored Professional Dominatrix.
Hot off Her bronze and gold awards at the Mr and Miss Universe competition in Italy, Mistress Dometria spared me some time to talk about Her career and Her life as the UK’s best known hardcore Mistress.
Of Greek Cypriot descent and born in South London, Mistress Dometria, (who spoke Greek until She was 6 years old due to Her large family living alternatively in London and Cyprus), considers Her upbringing as being a springboard to the woman She has become “My upbringing was sometimes ‘cruel to be kind’ and it has helped me shape the woman I have become.” This Mediterranean childhood was not always a fairy tale and as many youngsters have, She ran away from home when She was young. Opening up Her eyes and Her world at a young age can’t have been easy but it shows the strength She had even back then. She describing Herself as a “rebel with a heart”, which of course, is the best type of person to be, and expressed that She was always “headstrong and independent” and “started living the life before I even knew what it was. Then one day I realised I could make money from it.” Mistress Dometria was not like the little girls She knew at the time, She didn’t want to play with dolls like Her peers but wanted more out of life, “...to give more to life, with my spirit and soul, and you know, that’s what being a Dominatrix means, giving. Not just giving lashes with a whip or commands with a voice, but giving a part of your soul and providing a kind of therapy for another human being.”
Mistress Dometria has now been a Professional Dominatrix for 17 years and has the tax payments to prove it. She has built up Her reputation over the years and is a well known and respected member of the community in Brighton, where She resides and operates her dungeon. This reputation has been gained and earned from Her long-standing relationships with loyal and dedicated clients and the lengths She goes to for them; “holistically through my expert, specialist hardcore sessions” and it’s not just in session that She supports the BDSM world and community, She is an ambassador, of sorts, for all sorts of events and supports those that She believes in, such as Kinky Consent which I will touch on further later. “I care about the fetish community and promote the events I believe in. People need a safe place to play, and if I can help with that I will. This is one of the reasons I rent my dungeon and boudoir premises, so players can have access to a safe, clean and very equipped environment.” And it is not just within the world of fetish that Mistress Dometria supports her local community, “I invest in and support independent local businesses and through my fitness company I motivate and train many people to be healthier in their bodies and spirits.” She is an all-round asset to the local community of Brighton and if you ask me should be running for Mayor!
As mentioned above, Mistress Dometria has a fitness company and is also a wrestler and award-winning bodybuilder, proving that statuesque and muscular women can retain their sensuality. For Dometria that world goes hand in hand with the kink one and She loves bringing Her Mistress side to play in the bodybuilding community, “for example bringing the biggest, strongest muscle men down to their knees on stage. A lot of jaws hit the floor, so funny!” Having already been well known in the scene due to Her training and work in security well before She began bodybuilding professionally, Her prodigious career has only advanced Her reputation as a specialist, and rather than keeping the two worlds separate She allows them to merge into each other where possible, “people know I am physically strong enough to overpower them and I know how to look after them in the process so they don’t get hurt. You have to know what you are doing when you are playing with the bodies of other people.” These careers are not separate endeavours and there are a lot of similarities, after all, “I kick arse in both”. Other businesses that this busy Lady runs include Her dungeon, which she rents out to “other professionals and like-minded couples...when I am not using it myself” and a tattoo shop. So she has Her sadistic fingers in many pies, both kinky and vanilla.
These days, for every amazing ProDomme there are another 10 wannabees all over the internet so what makes a good Dominatrix? “You have to be an empath. The sub before you is a human being who has come to you for their own style of absolution. You must be respectful of that, get to know the human being a little, find out what makes them tick, what their souls and bodies need. Everyone is different and there is no cookie cutter approach. Communication, psychology, being intuitive and wise are all key factors. You also have to know your toys and be skilled in the art of using them. An understanding of anatomy and at-least-basic medical training also help! Having a killer body, eye-popping wardrobe of latex outfits, and superior dungeon premises all help, but even all that is just fluff if you don’t have the right attitude. That attitude, that je ne sais quoi, is what makes a great Dominatrix – along with bloody hard work! If you are scared of hard work, this job is not for you!"
Of course, going hand in hand with what makes a good Dominatrix is what makes a bad one, what red flags should subs (or as Mistress Dometria prefers to call them, players “sub is a strange word to me, I’ve always said the people who come to see me are my players as we enjoy playing the same game - Mistress always wins of course. What should a sub look out for when meeting or approaching a new Domme? Checking their previous experience and 'About Me' page is a very good place to start, “always, without fail, read their ‘about me’ page on their website, it will give you a vibe of who they are and what they do. If they don’t have a website, red flag! Look for videos too, to see the style of their play and work out if it suits you.”
Their personality and professionalism are also important, how they interact with you from the start, “how well they listen to and make an attempt to get to know and understand their subs. Are they happy to chat beforehand and understand your needs? Do they spend a little cooldown time with you afterwards, debrief, let you have a shower, give you a cup of tea and make sure you are ok for the journey home? If not, red flag!”
And don’t just look at how they take care of themselves but how they take care of their environment and equipment, “another indication is the cleanliness of the dungeon. This is even more crucial than how well-equipped the dungeon is. An imaginative, excellent Dominatrix is capable of providing an exceptional experience with whatever props are available. However, a dirty dungeon could also give you a life-changing experience, and not in a good way. Unhygienic dungeon premises are a hell into which you do not wish to venture! Plus, if a supposed Dominatrix isn’t even able to look after her premises, how well is she going to look after you?”
Talking about dungeons, as Mistress Dometria owns and operates her own in Brighton what does she think are the cornerstones in a successful dungeon or play space? “A great dungeon is about the entire environment – the whole sensory atmosphere, enveloping your sight, hearing, smell, taste, touch, and soul. It has got to be somewhere you can feel safe and secure, able to let go and unleash your ultimate fantasies. It has also got to be scrupulously clean and hygienic. My premises are exceptionally well-equipped, immaculate, and in high demand for sessions with me, for hire by other Mistresses and Masters, couples wanting to book a kinky weekend away (through my Brighton Erotic Boudoir business), and filmmakers/photographers looking for an exceptional location. I offer a state-of-the-art medical room, a dungeon with just about every toy you can possibly think of, and torture cells. But it’s not all about what you have, it’s what you do with it!”
In Her extensive career, She has worked with some exceptionally dominating ladies on both sides of the world including Cybil Troy, Mistress Myrina Douler, Madam Brodie and Emma Switch as well as Australians Domina Vee and Mistress Violet who works at the Kastle in Sydney. Her preferred activities during sessions include caning, whipping, ballbusting, beatdowns, good CBT and “generally good hard-core BDSM, I don’t mind body and muscle worship so long as the person giving it to me is fit as fuck.” Mistress Dometria has also worked with numerous players, some being regulars and some coming from overseas to see Her. She doesn't believe in having them sign contracts as “If they stay with me it’s because they are fitted to my way of thinking and play.” Mistress Dometria has had no official training though has trained herself consistently throughout her career, “My players have shown me a lot especially the harder scenarios as a lot of them to self play! Mainly breath play and electrics which I am now expert at in both fields. You must be an expert in breath play otherwise you will have a big accident... which will land you a nice hefty sentence in Holloway.”
So how does such a busy Lady separate her work and life/play outside of Her profession? “Simple, I draw the line. When I am at work, I am at work 100%, with all my attention and devotion. When I go home to my family, I switch off. I go off grid. I leave Mistress Dometria at the dungeon and I go home to be me, with my people and my dogs. I also love to relax through my bodybuilding, wrestling and sports fighting – that is my own personal chill out time, just for me...Bodybuilding is my chill out time, it’s how I relax. I have spent years sculpting myself, my body, my life and my soul, to be the woman I am today. This has been and continues to be my passion and my path, to be the very best of myself so I can better look after the people I love. When I am bodybuilding, when I am wrestling, I am doing it for me, it is mine – my play. There are many aspects of fitness training which are complementary to being of Professional Dominatrix. The adrenaline buzz is an obvious one, as is the discipline required. Plus, the more I learn about the capabilities of my own body, the more I understand the capacities of the bodies of others. Plus, the fitter I am, the greater I am at kicking ass!”
Being a professional hasn’t dampened her love of BDSM in her personal play times though, “I would say my work has improved my love for BDSM. No way has it decreased as I am in total control of who I see when I see them, however, I do not live BDSM full time as I have many other strings to my bow. I am dominant in everything I do though, even in my everyday home life! " And although She doesn't live it full time, She is open about what She does, “I tell people what I do for a living if they ask, though I don’t ram it down people’s throats."
Mistress Dometria says that the best part of being a Domme is her connection to her players, “seeing how my players have evolved and how it helps and not only physically but mentally as it does me also” and it is also the people that She meets that really bring the fun aspect into the role, “the wonderful, weird, wanton and wicked people I get to meet! Everyone has a story, a reason they come to see me. Learning more about them can be entertaining enough in itself, but also adds an extra dimension to the impact of our sessions together.” There is also the fact that She is able to be Her own boss and running Her own businesses “Being my own boss is a huge benefit, and just being able to be me in my working life. There is immense freedom which comes with this.” However, as with any profession, there are the downfalls, “it's a sacrifice which goes with this freedom, and that is holding true responsibility, accountability, for all the subs who visit me. I give a little part of myself to each and every one of them, and that can become tiring if I don’t find the time to recharge and relax” and of course there is the physical and mental aspect and She says that at times she has “become physically and mentally drained, that also gives me a buzz .... maybe I have a masochist in me somewhere.”
Mistress Dometria has a strong, engaged following on social media as well as having exceptionally good websites for those wishing to find out more about Her and Her many endeavours, but how much does She feel that having an online presence is important to Her role as a ProDomme? “Networking is important for any business, and best of all is holding a great reputation by word of mouth and personal recommendations. Social media works to enhance a good reputation, but despite how shiny an online face, the substance behind it had better match, as social media can tear you down as fast as it can build you up. What’s behind the curtain, the smoke and the mirrors?” Of course, it is not just how one conducts themselves on social media platforms and websites but how professional they are as a whole. Communicating with your customers and being grateful to your supporters and fans, “Communication is always important, whether that’s responding to an email in a timely fashion, letting people know not to call you as you won’t answer and to text instead so you can call them back (take heed of the comms guidelines people, they are in place for all of us!), or just staying in touch with people who love and support you and showing them some love in return."
So with such illustrious experience and so many years dedicated to expanding Her skill set and the services She can offer how does She feel She has evolved or grown as a person through Her career path? “I have certainly come to understand people better from this work. I have good senses and psychology training anyway, but getting so up close and personal with people takes it up a level. My experiences have enabled me to be able to see and read people so much more clearly, past their filters and their masks, to who they really are inside.” And what advice would Mistress Dometria give aspiring ProDommes? “Make sure you have the heart, brain, stomach and training for it – or just play in private.” Being a ProDomme is not just about being able to wield a whip or carry out a spanking, nor is it just calling men pigs, stating you believe in female supremacy and expecting tributes to flood into your PayPal account, ask yourself why you want to become a Dominatrix. If that reason is purely for money, being able to beat another human being or any form of sex, then I suggest you reconsider your options. Being a Professional Dominatrix goes above and beyond the whips, the latex and the role play. Being a true, successful, sustainable Professional Dominatrix means being a priest, a psychologist, a nurse, a businesswoman and an accountant, as well as a Goddess. It is not an easy ride or a fast route to cash, it is a profession and, with all professions, it takes training, focus, dedication and bloody hard work.”
We at Kinky Consent are delighted that Mistress Dometria will be attending our Kinkyesque event on July 14th where you will be entertained by an amazing performance by Her and possibly get the opportunity to meet her in the well-muscled divine flesh. On a personal note I asked her what it was that made her want to be involved with Kinky Consent, “I’ve built up a very good relationship with Paul from Darkside mag who mentioned your parties and I believe that anyone who is as passionate as he said you guys are should be supported by programs like myself...I also believe it will be good fun!”
Oh, it certainly will be fun and we can’t wait to meet you! If like us you would like to meet the delectable Mistress Dometria then make sure you have your tickets www.kinkyconsent.co.uk
All about Mistress Dometria, with lots of delicious photos, stories and news https://www.dometria.com
Take a tour around her dungeon https://www.brightondungeon.com
Check out her entire premises and plan a kinky weekend away with your partner, or book dungeon space for professional play, photo shoots, or filming: https://www.brightoneroticboudoir.com
Don't forget to book your tickets www.kinkyconsent.co.uk