Tips for BDSM newbies

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Before you begin, communicate, communicate and communicate some more! Trust and honesty are key to any BDSM dynamic.

 

 

 

Deciding to embark on expanding your horizons through BDSM will be an exciting and eye-opening experience for you as a couple. It is really important to do your research and communicate openly and honestly with your partner. There are so many different aspects of BDSM that you may wish to consider. Think about and discuss your kinks, fetishes and what excites you both in and out of the bedroom. Discuss whether this exploration is going to be purely sexual, part-time or something you would like to eventually bring into your Lifestyle. Once you feel you have discussed everything fully you will be ready to start your scenes. Here are a few things to consider when planning your first scene.

 

1. Using the discussions you have had previously agreed on the elements of an S&M scene that mutually excite you.

2. Choose a safe word that will end play or signify that it is time for the Dominant partner to ease up on what he or she is doing. If you are playing out a fantasy, you may want to decide on an additional word that temporarily allows you to exit the fantasy, this would be useful if the scene/fantasy is not going quite as one of you had hoped. A typical S&M safe word is "mercy," but you should choose a word that you will both remember. Out-of-context words such as "sunrise" or “pineapple” can be quite popular as you wouldn’t expect to hear them in that situation. Another system is the traffic light, saying “green” for more, “amber” for getting close to your limits and “red” for too much.

3. If you each feel that one is suited to the Dominant or submissive role and you are both happy to explore that dynamic then great. If you’re not sure then try exploring both roles. Many couples prefer to switch roles, whereas some will be more comfortable in set roles. Neither is inherently "right" or "wrong", although I do recommend experimenting at least initially with both Dominance and submission, this will not only help you develop your own role but also experience your partner's role and have a deeper understanding of it. There is no shame in playing the submissive role in a fantasy game, and it can be a lot of fun. There is also no shame in not wanting to switch. Switching roles is also a good way to show your partner what you would like to do or what you want to have done to you when you switch back. Find what works for you and your partner, there are no fast rules. A lot of people find that having certain outfits that fit the role help them get into the right mindset, that could be a PVC corset for a Dominant or a cute baby doll for a submissive, whatever works for you.

4. Before starting your scene put together some basic idea of what you plan to do. This can be together by agreeing on a few elements you would like to explore and experience ("Let's explore bondage and cross-dressing") or it can be the Dominant partner planning what they are going to do or even having a detailed script in their mind. Remember you don't have to start with a full-blown whipping session, take baby steps, explore what you like doing and having done to you.

5. Prepare the room for play. Tidy it up, falling over an errant shoe during play may be funny but it won’t add to the atmosphere. Make it as much of an appropriate setting for your scene as you can, obviously, not everyone can have access to a fully equipped dungeon but that doesn’t mean you can’t make a few changes to your room to add to the ambience. You could try changing the bedding for something silky or black, PVC or red, whatever suits your specific dynamic. You could also lower the lights by putting a non-flammable material over lights and having some candles dotted around. Gather all of the props and toys you will need to do your scene and have them close by. Nothing is more annoying than not finding the toy you need at an intense moment.

6. Enact the ritual that begins play. A ritual is anything that you decide it will be, from the use of a slave collar to using the titles of your Dominant and submissive roles. ("You are a slave" - "Yes, Master/Mistress.")

7. Have the most fun, sexually arousing, emotionally fulfilling and thoroughly enjoyable time that you possibly can.

8. After the scene ends make sure you attend to aftercare, show the sub partner love and affection, soothe any areas which may be a little sore. Discuss the scene, what did you like? What not so much? Has it given you ideas for next time?

 

 

 

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Posted on 21st November 2018

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