S & M scenes for couples
(Please note this is written assuming you have an understanding of safe practices and that you have discussed limits and safe words in advance. Stay safe kinksters!)
So you have decided that you and your partner would like to engage in some S & M activity in the bedroom (or any other room you choose), you have decided who will be the Dominant partner (it is up to you if this will always be the same or if you will choose to switch at times). Now all you need to do is work out how to keep the play dynamic going without the day to day getting in the way. Setting the scene for play will help to get you both into the right frame of mind.
I would suggest having the room prepared for play in advance with easily accessible toys and implements as well as enough lighting to see comfortably. You may not want the blinding glare of the full light on, try candles, lamps or throwing a non-flammable material over a strong light to make it more atmospheric. If you have a toy box have it close to hand or decide what implements you wish to use beforehand. Having the submissive partner pick out the toys can be a lot of fun as it increases their anticipation and shows the Dominant partner what they would like. Obviously, it is up to the Dominant partner to decide if He/She likes the selection or not, this could be used as a reason to punish also.
You may choose to leave the submissive partner in the room for a few minutes, naked, in bondage, dressed up in costume or a combination of the three, to let them get into the right mindset, this way, when the Dominant partner enters the room, the atmosphere is already set. When the Dominant partner steps in, the mindset of the scene has already been established. This has given the submissive partner a few minutes in an appropriate setting to adjust to his or her role and the Dominant has had time to collect his or her thoughts and decide what to do. For more spontaneous S&M play in an ongoing relationship, it is important to develop rituals that demonstrate the boundary between normal, day to day interaction or Mistress/Master/slave behaviour. Just as it would be inappropriate to treat your Dominant or submissive partner as an equal during intense S&M or fantasy play, it is inappropriate to behave like a Master, Mistress, or slave when you are not playing.
Examples of how this could be done: Terminology- using certain nicknames and titles Collars- either the Dominant putting the collar on or the submissive offering the collar to the Dominant. Or either could simply leave it out where it can be seen to signal their intent to play. Communication- of course, the best way to express your desire to play is to be open about it. This could be by the submissive saying they've been naughty and need punishing for example. The only exceptions to this rule are couples who are totally committed to living an S&M lifestyle twenty-four hours a day. Unless both partners are very experienced, trying to live in your Dominant and submissive roles all of the time is probably a bad idea. Before you choose to take this step make sure there has been honest and open communication and all factors have been considered such as how to act in public, the use of collars in public and what is the acceptable way to address each other in public. For most people, chances are that one or both of you will rapidly discover that the fantasy of being a total slave or a total owner is much more fun than the reality. To this end, having set parameters for the dynamic allows you both to relax in the scene and the fantasy can end whenever either person feels like relaxing in the company of an equal partner rather than playing a game. The reality involves an awful lot of responsibility on both sides, and you don't get a break from it. People who choose to live it full time are very committed to it as a Lifestyle choice and it is as much a part of who they as their gender is.
Once you have agreed with your partner on the elements of S & M that you would like to enact and have discussed limits and safe words you are ready to begin your scene and play out your most erotic and exciting fetish games.
No matter what, always remember that safety should always be your number one priority in any scene. Depending on the type of play, you may find that the submissive partner needs a lot of care after play, ensure that they are shown affection and reassurance. If you are new to the world of BDSM find time to discuss the scene openly, what did you each enjoy or not enjoy as much? How did it make you both feel and did it give you any ideas for future scenes? This will help you grow as a couple and within the realms of S & M.
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